Why 24 Hour Drinking Is Good

There’s a lot of craic in the news about introducing 24 hour drinking in the mother land.  So what?  We’ve been drinking for the last 24 hours and you don’t see us getting all excited about it.  Are you lookin’ at me?

The key to stopping drink fuelled yobbishness IS to extend drinking hours.  Think about it you numb nuts.  Give louts five more hours of drinking and they’ll barely be able to order a kebab, never mind start a fight.

We also suggest lowering the legal drinking age to 11 to tackle kids getting pregnant.  Think about it again numb nuts, because if we load those Kappa clad tearaways up on bevies, that’s exactly what will happen – numb nuts, that and a limp lad.  No pregnancies there then!

Ban smoking? We don’t think so.  Instead get a pint in both hands and not only will your nicotine craving, fidgety fingers be calmed, but soon you’ll be so loaded that you forget you even smoked in the first place.  So you see, once again alcohol is the solution to all life's problems.

  If you can manage to prise that WKD out of your hand for long enough, why not let us know your opinion at  if-only-there-was-25-hours-in-a-day@randomshite.co.uk