What Next For Peter Hain?
After solving several hundred years of strife all over Ireland, in the North, in the South, in
Northern Ireland, on the island, underground, overground, wombling free, Peter Hain has to fuck
off soon and find something else to do. He wanted to be Gordon Brownpants deputy dog, but
unfortunately for him, there was more chance of Ian Huntley getting that post.
So in case you're reading Pete (of course you are, you probably Google your own name) here's some
helpful suggestions we have for you when you're deciding what to do next. Luckily none of
them involve you having to win any kind of popularity contest or you'd be fucked.
- Become an Orangeman – well you're the right colour.
- Start your own reality show like Paris Hilton and the Osbournes. Have cameras follow you around being a dickhead, that should be easy, you could even go to jail and curse a lot, that seems to fucking work. In fact Ozzy could be the new NI Secretary, he'd be a lot fucking better than you and meetings with him, Ian and Martin "I don't know" would be a laugh.
- Shoe Shine: "Shine your boots mister? Two bob a boot, please Mr. Gordon."
- Paddy Ashdown needs someone to wipe his arse.
- Become a dancer in Michael Flatley's lord of the dance show.
- Second chipper in Bishops, well you can't expect to be trusted as first chipper.
- Find a cure for cancer, but don’t tell anyone and just sit in your Welsh house being smug.
No need to thank us Pete, and don't be expecting any thanks from us.
now-sod-off@randomshite.co.uk
