Water We Going To Win Without Cheats?

Not for the first time in its illustrious history the Irish swimming community has been rocked by the news that Andrew Bree has tested positive for drugs*.

First things first, Andrew Bree is not a very Irish name, bet he was like that Rusedski fucker, couldn't win in his own country so he moves to somewhere where everyone is shite at that sport.

Secondly, we've done some trademark snooping (McIntyre Investigates should have a word with his lawyers, you're infringing on our spot, fucko), and discovered that he wasn't actually found to be taking drugs, but he is in actual fact a fish - no wonder he could swim so well.  But how did nobody notice that he couldn't even speak and never actually got out of the pool?  Fucking journo's today are useless.

All this brings back the horrible memories of Michelle De Bruin who won every single medal in every single race in the Olympics a few years back, before it was discovered that she was a dude - again, did nobody see that coming?  Look at him!  Michael had to give up swimming and went on to be an MEP under the name Babs, so Andrew Bree will probably pop up again on the campaign trail with Jim Allister, opposing fishing no doubt.

* He's since been cleared, which on the surface seems a good thing, however it means he will now win fuck all.  Sucks to be you.

If you know of anyone in Ireland who can swim and isn't a fucking cheat,
email us at sleeps-with-the-fishes-dirty-perv@randomshite.co.uk
And we'll want some proof, at least a 5m swimming certificate.