Vote For Shite
Politicians are crap. They wear pinstripe suits, eat prunes, smell of piss and expect
you to vote for them. A poll we just made up shows shows almost 2 out of 3 people think
they're a bunch of wankers.
Unfortunately we don't live in a dictatorship, so every couple of years there's another
bloody election. Well this time we've decided enough is enough. Instead of
sitting at home and voting for no one this year we want you to get out and waste your
vote! Instead of picking a candidate on the ballot just write www.randomshite.
co.uk on the bottom of the ballot and smear jam* over the rest of the candidates!
So what will this achieve we hear you ask? (Well actually we hear you clicking the back
button to get out of this page, but we digress...) It'll send a message to all those
corporate fat cats up at city hall that we think they should all be smeared with jam.
That'll show the bastards who's boss.
If enough of you do it, we'll be running the country. So what are our policies?
Do we have a manifesto? What's a manifesto? Well here's what we'll do when elected:
- Cadbury's Creme Eggs all year round
- Replace water charges with a tax on gypsies
- To reduce obesity there will be a ban on fat people
- Jump on Jamie Oliver school dinners bandwagon
- Employ close family members as part of staff under very favourable pay conditions
- Education boards are running out of money, so encourage truancy to cut costs
- Some shit about being cross community
Of course given this is Northern Ireland we would have no real powers to do anything about
these issues, so we can say whatever we like and blame everything on direct rule.
Vote for Shite! - It's not like you haven't voted for shite before.
*If you don't have jam with you in the polling booth, a fruit preserve will do. And make sure to use plenty to spoil other peoples ballots too!
