Tory Party Policy Plans

Dave The old blue haired dears in the Conservative Party have been upset recently that their great white hope, Dave Boy Cameron, is lagging in the polls behind Labour's great Brown hope, Gordy Brownpants. As a result the Tories have released a whole bagful of shiny new polices aimed at the grass roots in a desperate attempt of desperation. Here's the highlights:

Remove draconian regulations imposed on businesses. For example the chimney sweep economy has practically been destroyed since they banned sending boys up chimneys.
Cut corporate tax, lower income tax, abolish inheritance tax, and to pay for this and prove that they're not just a party of tax-cuts, a new tax will be levied against people who don't vote Conservative.
Will improve exam results in schools by permanently expelling thickos and girls called Britney.
Will finally answer the West Lothian question by saying, "Fuck off back to your haggis, sure youse are nearly out of oil and gas anyway. Let's see how you do on your own now, Jimmy!"
In addition they have vowed to fight climate change by using their 4x4s to drive all the other cars off the road.
To deal with the overcrowded prisons chavs will be put on a boat and sent to Australia.
And in other foreign policy matters, Argentina, the Tories are still fucked off at you for having a crack at the Falklands and they are going to send Boris over to insult you.

Good luck Dave.
bring-back-maggie@randomshite.co.uk