The Appliance: Episode 2
Hello,
I’m Alan Sugar and I’m a belligerent mother fucker. Over the next few weeks
I’ll be looking for the ultimate in kitchen equipment, as I aim to find The
Appliance. This ain’t no phone in and it don’t matter if you’ve got
fancy qualifications - I don’t like no bullshitters and I won’t stand for proper
grammar. I’ve got a number of tasks I’m going to set the candidates, so
helping me keep an eye on them will be my old mates from Spurs, Terry Venables
and Ossie Ardiles who now run my Amskitchen business.
The Appliance
Episode 2
| Sugar: |
Right teams, for your next task I want you to think of a new product for
one of my new companies Amscow. This is my son Alan Junior, who runs Amscow.
He has no discernable talent and there’s no reason for him to run the business
other that the fact he’s my son, so I expect you to kiss his ass at every
opportunity. |
| Alan Jr: |
Thanks dad. Right people, at Amscow we offer a wide range of dairy and cow
related products, milk, butter, leather, manure, Chicken McNuggets – if it
comes from a cow and we can flog it, that’s what we do. For this task we want
you to think up a new product using only cows as raw material. You’ll have a
budget of £10 and 3 cows to help you. |
| Sugar: |
Right teams, as usual Terry and Ossie will be my eyes and ears. Off you go. |
| Toaster: |
Sir Alan, I’m a vegetarian and I’m not sure about this whole cow thing. |
| Sugar: |
You what? |
| Toaster: |
Sir Alan... |
| Sugar: |
That’s enough, I’ve heard enough. Toaster, you’re a moaner, you’d probably piss
my money up the wall given half the chance, you’re a light weight, you’re fired!
The rest of you go back to the kitchen, I’m off to the Med in my yacht. |
|
[Teams leave] |
|
|---|---|
| Ossie: |
It was the ongly thing you could do Sir Alang, it was the right decisiong. |
| Venables: |
*chuckles* It was the only option. |
| Sugar: |
I can’t have light weights coming in here pissing my money up the wall. |
|
[Cut to swooping shot of Canary Wharf where Sugar’s headquarters aren’t at]
|
|
Why not email your views to Sir Alan at
sugar-daddy@randomshite.co.uk
