That Kid Who Sailed Across The Atlantic
Hello I'm that kid who sailed across the Atlantic, yet you all think I'm a tosser. What's wrong with you
people? My dad doesn't like you. I have lots of plans for new adventures and feats that I want
to accomplish before my balls drop. Dad says he hopes my balls never drop.
Dad's friend owns a chalet in the Swiss Alps, so this February I'm hoping to be the first person to ski down
Mount Everest. My Geography teacher laughed at me when I announced my plans, but I won't let his nay
saying get me down. Besides dad will be there behind me with a massive support crew.
People are probably wondering why I wanted to spend time on a boat on my own with no girls or even porn,
well when girls talk to me I pee myself, and porn is wrong, mummy said so. And she knows because
she was cross when she caught daddy with pictures of the babysitter. However, with all that time to
myself I did beat another record – my own personal best of 13 times in one day.
Even though I was alone at sea, the bullies still beat me up and took my lunch money. I don’t think
the school work I missed will be a problem in later life, who needs to read and write when I can tie 73
different types of knots?
I'm already planning what to do after I leave school. Obviously I will have a gap year. I think
I will devote it to helping the people in our world who need it most – people in council houses. After
that I will go to university, I'm sure dad will find me one.
Ellen MacArthur is my hero, when I grow up I want to be just like her – look like a man. In fact she
helped me over the dreaded 8th and 9th pain barrier when I was on my way to my record 13. Thanks Ellen.
If you think his dad really did come aboard and cook him pie, email
jon-snow@randomshite.co.uk
