Sesame Street Goes Local

A clip of BBC NI’s bastardised version of Sesame Street, Sesame Tree, has appeared on their website, but it must be said that it raises a number of questions.  What’s up with the purple one’s voice?  Is this episode a metaphor for partition?  Why do they not say stuff like, "and here's me wha?" and, "I’ll knack your ballix in"?  What the fuck is Booley doing there, and why do the muppets look more normal than him?

Anyway, despite the fact that a sesame is a flowering plant and not a tree, the Beeb are pushing it through regardless.  However, they’ve kindly let us have a look at a few more clips with some of the more famous regular cast members and we’re glad to say many of them have received a local twist so kids here can learn about local culture properly.

Snuffleupagus

Is now a West Belfast black taxi driver who sits outside city hall at 2am, but he isn’t going where you want to.

Telly Monster

Is now a culchie from Tyrone who loves the fudball and cappin’ cows.

Grover

Was released under licence after the Good Friday Agreement.  He worked in a chip shop for a few years, but Peter Hain removed his licence and he was re-arrested based on a tip off from "a green man in a bin".

Elmo

Is a "performing artist" on the streets of Belfast, where he regularly gets beaten up and mocked by spides.  Soon to be appearing in a one man show in The Black Box.  Tickets are on sale now, but don’t buy any, because they’ll be giving them away on the door.

Cookie Monster

Has been appointed a victims commissioner.

Kermit

Had a part in Give My Head Peace.  Luckily for him all his scenes were cut.  The rest of the cast were not so fortunate.

Big Bird

Will not be appearing in this series.  While filming on location in Dungannon, some locals thought he looked Portuguese and “bate the feathers aff the hoor”.

Oscar

Is in Magheraberry after failing to pay a fine that the council gave him for continuing to live in a blue bin, despite their repeated warnings that he wasn’t recyclable.

The Count

Applied for a high powered civil service job as an accountant, but wasn't allowed an interview despite being highly qualified.  It is thought it may have been because of his "title" and its associations with the "colonial oppressors".  He is taking an action to the fair employment gang, but it may take a while given that Rhonda Paisley has at least 20 cases pending.

Bert and Ernie

They have fallen out.  Ernie doesn't want to go into government with Sinn Fein/IRA, but Bert sees great potential under the current arrangements and is planning to move out and build a new home on the north coast if he can get planning permission.

If you know about any muppets on TV, email
ive-seen-carruthers-do-lets-talk@randomshite.co.uk