Sample A-Level Questions

Tossers It's results time for thousands of ill-educated thickos around the country. Just look at that bunch of smiley faced tossers over there. But just because the results get better and better, year after year for 23 consecutive years, doesn't mean they're getting easier. No-siree-bob!! Our intrepid investigative reporter Mavis Davis reports...

It seems there is a variety of reasons for the usual improvement:

Teachers have got better.
Pupils are working harder.
Computers mean kids are evolving to become smarterer.
~~They keep taking the hardest stuff off the syllabus every year and modular exams mean you can repeat until you get a decent result.~~

With such an improvement over time, teachers in the 80's must have been absolutely shite and the students must have been a right bunch of lazy bastards! We're just so lucky this year to have the best generation of teachers and the hardest working group of students ever, at the exact same time. Just to prove exams are still tougher to get through than a school dinner, we sourced a few sample questions from this summer's papers.

CONFIDENTIAL: A-Level's 2005

Maths:

Mickey goes to the bar and orders 2 blue WKD, 2 Red WKD and 4 Aftershocks:
a) How much will it cost?
b) What is the average percentage volume of alcohol?
c) Who are you lookin' at?

Physics:

How many P.E. teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

Biology:

If Jack and Jill have sex in the music store room:
a) Express the chances they use contraception in terms of a
      fraction?
b) How likely is it that urination will become uncomfortable for
      Jack within the next ten days?
c) How many extra hours a week does Jack have to work at       Centra to keep the CSA off his back?

Chemistry:

Draw out the molecular structure of MDMA.

English:

Write a short story from the point of view of a horny, drunk teenager with a flick knife and annoying parents.

History:

What was the title of the first Busted album and in what year was it released?

Geography:

Sketch a geographical representation of the socio-economic makeup of your home town/city. Be sure to include:
a) Common drug dealers homes with both your drug of choice
and price.
b) Sites where homeless people will buy alcohol for minors.
c) Your favourite Mac-Daddy clothes shops.

GCSE Update!

As seen from this photo stolen from the BBC website, these two arse bandits didn't actually pass any GCSE's, but at least they can celebrate being able to get the envelopes open. Well done lads, welcome to GNVQ Leisure and Tourism.

During our thorough investigation, we did find one piece of evidence suggesting
exams might be getting a tad easier....... we'll leave it up to you to decide.
If you're literate, why not email 24UCASpoints@randomshite.co.uk