Sales You Can Believe In
It seems like hope is selling like hotcakes, and potential future US President, Commander in Chief
and First Lord of the Interns, Barack Obama-bama-bama-bama-batman, is the man leading the sales
force. Now, elections don’t come cheap – George Bush spent hundreds of millions of dollars in
2000 and still didn’t win – so even Barack Neo-bama is going to have to step out of the Matrix an...
that’s awful, even by our standards... and raise some cash.
So gather around everyone, everything must go! It’s Barack’s Election Merchandise Tat Yard
Sale! And don’t bother checking your change, we won’t diddle you, we’ve got change you can believe in!
Yes Wee Can
Don’t want to miss a second of CNN’s election coverage in case they use that touch-screen election
map from the future? Well you won’t want to go to the toilet then, and you won’t have to when
you can piss in this Yes Wee Can in the comfort on your armchair!
Chess We Can
Want to play Joe Public like pawns so you can win power, money and glory? Well tough, you’re
not running for president you twonk, so you’ll have to satisfy yourself with real pawns.
Yes We Tan
Off on holiday? Don’t want your skin to fall off like John McCain’s? Slap on some Barack
brand sunscreen! Are you impressed that we got thorough this one without mentioning Barack’s skin
colour? Yeah, we went for the skin cancer angle instead...
Yes Wee Man
Wee man from Jackass is hired out for odd jobs round your house, because he cant get any other work.
Bless We Can
A Barack prayer book. Is it Christian? Is it Muslim? Neither actually, you pray
directly to Barack.
Meth We Can
Even druggies can help Barack take back the White House with every purchase.
Yes Rehab
Some bastard been selling you drugs? Let us help you. For a donation, obviously.
Yes Wheaten
Scrumptious wheaten bread, baked lovingly by the hands of Michelle Obama.*
* Not the Michelle Obama
Can We Can-Can
Beginner dance lessons from Dennis Kucinich.
Yes We Can-Can
Advanced dance lessons from John Edwards.*
*Paternity test pending
Yes We Can, But We Won’t
A crystal ball showing that John McCain will be elected President.
Get over it.
If you're an emperor of an ancient Mediterranean civilisation and you’ve woke up this morning to find your temple has gone, then email yes-we-have-it@obama.com
