Rose Of Tralee
The Rose of Tralee festival was founded in 1959 by the Sheep Council of Ireland,
Bord Caorigh, as a means of distracting randy boyos from the sticks from
hassling ewes for a while. It was also seen by RTÉ as the perfect vehicle
for Gay Byrne's nauseating smarm.
Every August lovely girls from all the counties of Ireland, even the Protestanty
ones in the North, flock (like sheep) to Kerry where they are judged (like sheep)
to find the loveliest girl of them all. There are even international entrants
to the contest from places like America and Australia - rumours that this is because
they are much better eye candy that our local Roses are callous lies.
There are a number of rounds to the contest, some of the more popular ones throughout
the years have included:
- The surviving tuberculosis contest,
- The Gay Byrne hotel room pyjama party,
- The talking to drunks outside when the pubs close round,
- Banging your head off Ray D'Arcy's Blackboard Jungle desk.
Dressing for the Rose contest is very important, as you have to look sexy and shaggable,
while not showing so much skirt that it upsets the priests and grannies in
attendance.
It's also useful if you have some charming talent for the round
where the host chats to you to find out whether you're pretty but actually talk like
a welly wearing culchie. When Gay Bryne hosted the contest, this was often
referred to as the "three-tits-on-stage round."
But the Rose of Tralee hasn’t always gone smoothly. Every few years throws up a
scandal or two, and we're not even talking about Ryan Tubridy being caught in...
sorry, we aren’t allowed to mention that one, but we can remind you of:
- The three escorts in a hot-tub scandal of 1987.
- Kerry Rose in Wonder Bra scandal of 1999.
- The Leitrim lady-boy “incident”.
- The year Charlie Haughey made them all wear clobber from Dunnes.
- When the 1998 Armagh Rose put on her sash and tried to march down the Garvaghy Road.
So let's hope there are many more years of loveliness ahead.
lovely-girls@randomshite.co.uk
