Random Shite Plans To Buy Footbal Club

Due to some careful investment of the money we have made over the last two years from Google Adverts, including buying Northern Rock shares, Zimbabwean Dollars and Farepak hampers, we have amassed a war-chest fast approaching £15.

Football Pitch Even though receiving is better than giving (especially where rib-jobs and Cousin Vera are involved) we've decided to give something back to the community, in return for nothing but personal glory and adulation. In a Malcolm Glazer stylie (because Mavis has a ruddy face and a crap beard) we've decided to buy ourselves a football club. Obviously because we have limited funds we'll be restricted to the lower reaches of the football barrel, like Ballinamallard United or Sheffield Wednesday.

Part of the deal will entail restructuring the debts involved, the majority of which will be Bob's crippling gambling debts and some money Mavis still owes the catalogue, however we do plan on implementing some big money spinning ventures like sponsorship deals. Tampax are already interested since the modern game is so full of bloody pussies.

Whoever the manager is at the time will be sacked and in a move bigger and cleverer than bringing back Keegan or Jesus, we will appoint Brian Clough’s dead corpse as manager. Yes, it’s unconventional, but so was the man himself. Alan Shearer will be appointed his No.2 toilet scrubber and a restraining order will be put on Dennis Wise.

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