Random Shite Hit By Credit Crunch
"The world is fucked, economically speaking" - That was the cutting analysis from Nobel stealing hack, Krugman. Everybody
knows Krugman is months behind the rest of us, but like an idiot-dog, he gets patted on the head and given a 'well done' tummy rub.
Random Shite has been closely following the collapse of capitalism, not through choice but because the TV has been
stuck on the 24 hour news channel since Mavis used the remote control to unclog the toilet.
Since Zavvi has shut all its shops, and is beginning to shut stores that aren’t even theirs out of habit, we've realised that
the credit crunch is going to hit us too. Like any good company we first issued a memo to all members of staff saying that
there would be cutbacks throughout the company, but that there would be no redundancies, and that every member of staff was valued.
Of course this was all bullshit, and we've decided to fire Cousin Vera.
The best thing about a recession is that you can fire any prick and blame it on the economy! Benitez is about to tell
Robbie Keane this! While some will miss Cousin Vera's input, we'll just be glad that she isn’t around to piss on the
toilet seat any more.
So to say goodbye in style, here is a list of her greatest achievements:
- That time she flushed the toilet.
- Her road-kill hot-pot.
- Discovering a new species of genital crabs.
- Beating Grandmaster Gary Kasparov.... in a meat eating contest.
- Last year when she “proved” that a stitch in time doesn’t save 9, by letting her tattered old knickers fall apart. She got five “new” pairs in Oxfam for 2 quid, and then claimed that a stitch in time would have lost her 7. Maths isn’t her strong point.
- Helping to build the Berlin wall.
- Winter ’87, when she shook a squirrel until it revealed where it had hidden its nuts.
If you would like to send your condolences or some money to Vera, email
cousin-vera@randomshite.co.uk
