Pope Benedict Has Lost His Fucking Marbles

Pope Benedict Has Lost His Fucking Marbles

by Vatican correspondent - Mavis Davis



My Dear Friends,

Now that everyone has forgotten about Pope John, er, John, ach you know the one, his successor Pope Ratzinger-burger has finally got his shoes firmly under the (gold plated 12th century) table.  Comfortable in his new position, however, he’s fucking lost the run of himself, leading many people to ask themselves, “Is the Pope Catholic?”

Not content with moving St. Patricks Day, he has also now decided that the reforms so politely suggested by Martin Luther have basically been enacted by the Church over the intervening centuries, so Luther was actually an okay sort of guy and not a heretic.  Quite unbelievable.

Oh, and all this was at the unveiling by the Pope of a statue of Galileo, who it also turns out over the centuries might have kind of been right about the whole orbity thing – despite the Church’s position at the time (the centre of the universe to be precise), even though that in itself didn't have any real base in scripture, even though scripture might kind of be made up stories anyway.  Perhaps in 500 years the church will know that too.

Next he'll be forgiving Paisley, communism and the Bishop of Galway.  He might even consider forgiving the Catholic Church itself for not saying a single fucking word while Hitler and his Nazi buddies went on a genocidal spree across Europe.

I haven’t seen footage of the unveiling of the statue but I’ve heard the Pope unveiled Galileo by pulling a giant condom off him, reinforcing the Churches position on that little dogmatic gem.

Not content with pissing all over Pope Leo’s shoes, he’s also shitting all over Pope Gregory’s by rewriting the seven deadly sins, which have only been in place for one and a half millennia, replacing great material like lust, envy and sloth with bollocks like fair trade coffee and energy saving light bulbs.  Oh yes, and “accumulating excessive wealth” – which proves that either the Vatican has no sense of irony or a cracking sense of humour.

Well Mr. Pope, if you continue in this vein we suggest that people may begin to not take the Catholic Church seriously.


Yours Faithfully,