Peter Hain Tax To The Max

As well as the recently imposed double taxation on water and increase in rates, Peter Hain today announced a new tax on air, "to bring Northern Ireland into line with the rest of the UK," who apparently have been unfairly subsidising our air for years now.  The long term unemployed and those on incapacity benefit will receive air vouchers which they can trade in at Lidl's for air, or down the market for fegs.

Along with the increased payments on air, there will be a fine for farting, a three strikes and your out policy on burping and he'll cut out your tongue if you whistle.  Willie McCrea is complaining to the victims commissioner that the tax is unfairly aimed at him, "Peter Hain knows I have a flatulence problem, I hope my constituents in both of my constituencies will back me on this one."  It is thought a proposed tax on the air wasted on Gospel singing was axed at the last minute as part of a confidence building measure.

Sinn Fein's Martin McGrimace didn't wish to make an official comment on the new tax, only to say that the IRA had destroyed their airsenal of weapons.  He added that claims the IRA were smuggling air across the border in tankers disguised as tankers smuggling diesel across the border were a scurrilous lie.

A ministerial announcement about a new tax on tax is expected to follow shortly.

If you want to thank Petey for helping our local politicians make tough decisions, email
paul-murphy-wasnt-so-bad-after-all@randomshite.co.uk