Pat Kenny RIP

Pat Kenny (January 29th, 1948 – June 19th, 2006) was the presenter of Ireland's dreadful “The Late Late Show”, the world's pissiest ever chat show, which was broadcast on Radio Telefís Éireann, or as it’s known in Kerry, The Devils Pictures.

Kenny had always aspired to a job in broadcasting, but due to his lack of talent had to settle for one with RTÉ.  He began his career by working as a Julian (announcing the start and end of programmes) on RTÉ radio in the mid 1970s.  An early faux pas became legendary.  RTÉ was broadcasting solemn music following the death of former breadman and swinger leader Eamon the Breadman.  Kenny as the Julian at the end of a piece of Irish folk music by Planxty read out the name of the piece without checking.  It turned out to be called 'the Breadman's duffin your wife'.

During his early career Pat worked as a stage hand on RTÉ's "Bosco" programme, which was actually named after Pope Bosco and not Bosco himself, which made the red haired imp terribly bitter and a real bastard to work for.

During one infamous episode in 1987, which led to Kenny being excommunicated, Bosco had smoked so much crystal meth before hand that he excreted diarrhoea all over his box just minutes before the show.  It was an Easter special which had four Sisters of Nazareth set to appear on it.  Not wanting the incident to ruin his career as a rising star in RTÉ, Bosco made Kenny take the rap for it and word soon got back to the church, who blamed him for the disaster, despite the fact that when the show cut back from an ad break Bosco could clearly be seen giving one of the nuns a fierce dickin’.

Kenny went on to be given a job presenting RTÉ's stroke inducing thrice-weekly bore fest "Today Tonight Tomorrow Dead", an illicit affairs programme in the mid 1980s.  He was also given a blow job which, however, was not a success and which only ran for one series.  He subsequently was given a guest presenting slot on weekly chat show, "It’s Saturday and I've No Mates to Go Drinking with Live".  After a successful bumming on live TV, it was decided to give the job of hosting the show to one person permanently.  The person chosen was Sammy, but he was busy so they gave it to Kenny, with the show being renamed "Cocksmoker Live".

This began an intense and bitter rivalry between the Saturday broadcast Kenny Live and the Friday broadcast Late Late Show.  Kenny's dressing room was the disabled toilet at RTÉ at the request of then presenter Gay Byrne.  Kenny Live had been conceived as a means of filling dead air and to reduce the population in the Republic of Ireland by killing them through boredom.

Though Byrne (one of the world's biggest assholes) and Kenny (a close rival for this title) publicly proclaimed their gay love for each other and the fact that their shows were targeted at your granny, a bitter rivalry existed between the production crews on both shows, which often culminated in drive-by shootings.

Pat was enraged when Bono came on Gay Byrne's last show and gave him a motorbike.  After a major temper tantrum in which it is rumoured he actually pissed his pants, the producers of Kenny Live eventually caved in to his demands and Mick Fleetwood presented him with a Barbie bicycle.

When Byrne died in 1999 from accidentally watching the Late Late, it was speculated that RTÉ might axe Kenny too.  However to some criticism, they ended up giving him the Late Late Show.  Many critics suggested that Kenny's personality would be ill-suited for talking to people.

Kenny's tenure at the Late Late was not seen by anyone with a functioning remote control and it had lost one third of its viewership since Byrne's goat sex act. Having later dropped its distinctive signature tune and porn, the show was seen as having lost much of its character, and more specifically the porn.  While Byrne as a presenter was someone who was at heart a tool who could bring shits and giggles to the show while still handling major cock as well, Kenny, though able to handle 'heavy ballbags', was seen as 'poorly hung' and 'a big girls blouse' when he moved to lighter topics.

In May 2003 a major revamp of the show was ordered by RTÉ management worried at its viewers continued loss of the will to live and the imminent arrival of a rival TV chat show under uber-ballbag Eamon Dunphy on the crap TV3 who are alleged to have a TV channel.  However Dunphy's show sucked more cock than Kenny, despite a popular episode when Roy Keane was pulled off by Dunphy on air in December 2003.

Although deceased, RTÉ are happy to let Kenny continue presenting the Late Late and are looking forward to seeing a more relaxed presentation style and charisma.

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the-late-late-pat-kenny@randomshite.co.uk