Oscars Smoscars
Hey Academy!! We're still waiting by the way!
It's that time of the year again, when all the luvvies of the Hollywood circuit come together
to hand out big lumps of gold to each other for doing their well paid fucking jobs, to see
who will cry the most and generally be an arsehole. The Oscar nominations are now out, and
while they were fairly easy to predict there, as always, are a few in the running that beg
the question, "How the fuck did they get nominated?"
As part of our public service pledge we
have gathered together those suspects who were clearly sucking some serious
Oscar cock over the past few weeks, and if you are talking to any member of the academy who is considering
voting for these people make sure you viciously assault them, no court will convict you.
Michelle Williams
Do you recognise her? No? This mook played one of the thesaurus swallowing pricks in the TV show Dawson's Crack Whore. Yes, she's the chick in it that you didn't beat off to. And she's nominated for her part in a show about a couple of gay guys, just like Dawson's.
Kiera Knightly
Bend it like fucking Beckham? Piss off. Everyone know she's only got this far because she looks a bit like Natalie Portman, but cheaper.
Judy Dench
Dear Academy people, just a note to let you know that you don't have to nominate Judi Stench for every fucking film she does.
Jake Gynaecologist & Health Windowledge
These two are nominated for Brokebutt Montain. They didn't realise it was a film. In fact they didn't even know there were cameras on.
Lord Georgeclooney
All he fucking did was try to get out of paying a parking ticket.
Jim Carey
He didn’t get nominated, but he is a fucking prick.
Halle Berry
Should have been nominated as whitest black
person ever to win an Oscar.
George Galloway
Definitely should have been
nominated for best cat. The Academy
has never shown that man any
respect for his selfless work.
Want to vent your Oscar spleen? Then email
cheese'n'spielburger@randomshite.co.uk
