Nobel Peace Prize Exclusive
"Her weapons were this big."
It
has been announced that the Nobel Peace Prize has not been awarded to Boner and Gandalf for their contribution
to shouting at people, but to someone who actually works for peace - that U.N. bloke in charge of the whole
nuclear thing. Yet has he ever written anything about how to disarm a nuclear bomb, we don't feckin' think
so. Once we got over our initial period of grief, we send our intrepid reporter
Mavis Davis straight to the losing pair to get their reactions.
Bob Gandalf said, "Fuck that, what the fuck is that about? How the fuck is some bastard fucking talking
about fucking nuclear, fucking arms more fucking peaceful than fucking me and my fucking bitch, fucking talking
about fucking poor bastards? What the fuck are fucking nuclear, fucking weapons going to fucking do to
me? And what the fuck does Africa fucking care about them? We fucking staged a fucking massive fucking
concert, for fucks sake. Millions of cunts watched it and we had a fucking DVD out! Does that nuclear
bastard have a fucking DVD? I don't fucking think so."
"You smell fucking great."
When
we told Boner the news he grinned from behind his sunglasses, told the Edge to put the kettle on and said,
"Thank you, thank you very, very much. You know I've worked hard on this project, very hard. And
that guy who sang the song about Mondays, he answered the phones, I know that the right thing has been done.
I truly deserve this accolade, and I'm glad they have gave it to me."
He continued, "You know people don't understand how difficult it is to be poor, we need to stop poverty and
as a rich fucking rockstar I'm the one person who can do it. I'm known the world over. I'm really
popular. I deserve everything, Edge, where's my tea. Y'know what I want next is the Nobel Prize one
for literature, because I'm amazing. They have made..."
He went on like this for about an hour, so we went to the pub, Jesus he's a right fucking ballbag.
If you missed out on a Nobel prize you richly deserved then email
it-was-a-bloody-fix@randomshite.co.uk
