New Labour, New Lingo
Apparently the kids in the playground are saying that if you say Bloody Blunkett in the mirror
three times he appears and steals your identity, leaving you open to the full force of the
anti-terror laws. Anyway, with Blunko having done a Mandelson we present the New
Labour, New Lingo phrasebook to help you through the prevailing media storm.
Lesson 1
To do a Mandelson -
To have to resign from the cabinet twice for indiscretions that any intelligent person would
have learned their lesson from the first time. Ultimately will get you an easy job somewhere
foreign, talking about knickers.
To do a Blunkett -
To be horny all the time. Can lead to doing a Mandelson, where you hope to be able to
inspect knickers in a nice foreign location.
To do a Straw -
Dealing with a social problem as Home Secretary, e.g. drugs, while having your son fight against
you, e.g. dealing. Also includes getting pictures with dictators for the family album.
To do an Irvine -
To spend much more than you should at B&Q, Homebase or any other DIY/home decorating outlet.
Lesson 2
To do a Milburn -
To quit your job, citing wanting to spend time with your family, only to take another job a few
months later. Probably because you discovered that they are little shitheads.
To do a Brown -
Reshape the party with an ally, making a deal where you will succeed him, only to be shafted when
his ego grows to the size of a continent. Become bitter and angry and don't be supportive to them
at all, despite living next door.
To do a Bush -
Whoops! How'd he get in the list? He has nothing to do with deciding the country's policies...
To do a Prescott -
To be a high profile member of the cabinet who regularly gets into fights with the public and loses.
Lesson 3
To do a Cook -
To be right and resign and give two fingers to Tony Blair.
To do a Short -
To do a Cook a bit later, with less dignity, while gritting your teeth and looking less attractive.
To do a Morris -
To quit one job for being crap at it and to get another and then quit that too. All this to be
rewarded with a lovely title and a seat in the House of Lords. Does anyone else see a pattern of
Ministers with two resignations getting a nice wee job after it?
To do a Hain -
To get a lovely, all year round tan from your constituency in Wales.
Lesson 4
To do a Woodward -
Marry a rich woman, in fact a very, very rich woman, be a Tory until you realise that New Labour
are just like the Tories,
but with better ties.
To do a Davies -
Get laid while out "walking your dog" at 2am. Also to not wash your hands.
To do a King -
Lose to a bearded Scotch man with no tenable links to Iraq.
To do a Darling -
Nothing in particular, just sounds really funny.
If you've ever done a Blunkett, or indeed done Blunkett, let us know
Blunko@randomshite.co.uk
