New Games For The Nintendo Wii
With Christmas just six months around the corner, we’ve got our hands on a list of new games
Nintendo plans to release for the Wii during the holiday season. We didn’t perform one of
our patented break-ins to their offices to find them, no that’s old school now, we hacked into
the Nintendo mainframe computer using a NES light-gun that we connected to the Internet via an
Amstrad CPC6128.
Wii Zimbabwe
Follow up to the fairly old Super Rhodesia game for the SNES which was a one-player strategy
game. The new Wii Zimbabwe was going to be a multi-player, but at the last minute it’s
been changed to a one-player shoot ’em up.
Wii Wee
A new game for men, but girls can have a try too. Comes with the new Wii Cock
controller. You have to aim into a toilet with various settings of drunkenness, including
a level of advanced Wii Weeing where you’re holding a pint or some other drink in one hand
while still trying to hit the target with the other. You can also pick up the optional
Wii Toilet Seat controller when buying the game, but most won’t bother.
Wii Willy Winky
A game for nonces, because they can’t leave the house.
Wii Couch Potato
After so many sports games for computer freaks to play in the solitude of their home, you can
now play a virtual fat bastard without even having to eat all those pizzas.
Wii Afterlife
Not a gruesome zombie shoot ‘em up, but the chance to experience what its like to be
dead. No controllers required.
Our Wii Country
Like FIFA soccer, except the only team available is Northern Ireland. Also, only
qualification stages can be selected. It’s a bit crap to be honest.
Grand Theft Motto
You get to play John Motson as he wanders around football stadiums looking for matches to
commentate on, while pondering when stadia became stadiums. In the mini game thing you
have to help Gavin Peacock try to convert prossies like Jesus did.
Wii Chi
A game based on the 22nd letter of the Greek alphabet. Expected to be a
bestseller.
Wii Bee
Virtual bee keeping for anyone too pussy to handle real bees. Although it mainly
involves an odd humming noise from your TV, so you may as well watch Channel 5.
Wii The People
Enter a world of fantasy and magic as you become a US Supreme Court judge. Legalise
abortion, walk the tightrope of the right to bear arms, wear a big robe. It’s all
there.
Wii Joey Barton
You get to virtually kick the living fuck out of strangers, friends, work colleagues and
pregnant women, in more than 50 different locations.
Triangle Hero
Nintendo realise most of you have the musical talent of Posh Spice and the coordination
and dexterity of a BSE riddled cow on roller-blades, so here’s your chance to showcase your
abilities.
If you liked that then send us a wee email to
wiimail@randomshite.co.uk
