New Art For Arthur Square
Not happy with shafting the UDA, Margaret Ritchie is now trying to shaft the rest of us by installing
one of three
pieces of public art in Arthur Square, each of which looks like it could have been designed by David
Blunkett’s dog. Voting for a winner is like trying to pick a “winner” for X-Factor or getting
to choose your last meal before execution, all options end in a conclusion that sucks big donkey balls.
Speaking of sucking big donkey balls, us ladies have decided to put forward our own options for the art
piece and we demand that Ritchie uses one of these instead of the crap that’s on offer, otherwise we
refuse to decommission Cousin Vera’s explosive diarrhea.
We hope to really capture the spirit of Belfast in them, so here goes:
A Giant Bottle of Buckfast
Truly representative. It will be a functional piece too; the 12m structure will be filled with
1,300 gallons of Bucky which can be accessed by the public through a small fountain at the bottom.
Massive Eamonn Holmes Head
This massive head will revolve in a circle looking out for vomit on the streets. If it sees
some its massive 43ft tongue will extend out and lick it up, thus keeping our streets vomit free
and Eamonn happy.
George Best’s Liver
People keep sticking statues of him up and naming airports after him, however we feel this represents
his true heritage.
One of Those Johnny 5 Robots Blowing Up a Suspicious Package
This is to remind everyone what shopping in our beautiful city centre used to be like. Not to
be confused with Linford Christie’s suspicious package.
David Healy
David Healy running home after getting turned away from Café Vaudeville.
Jim Rodgers Crippling a Woman
Enough said.
Email those DSD muppets now and tell them which one you want
sort-it-out-ritchie@dsdni.gov.uk
