30 Days As A Badger

Hi, I'm Murglin Spurglin, you might remember me from that film about eating burgers, I was just as shocked as you when it turned me into a fat bastard, but I still keep a McFlurry in my moustache.  In my new show, 30 Days, I'll be putting myself in different situations, and then telling the people I'm with that I cant wait to get out at the end of the 30 days.  This time I'm going to live with badgers.

I've put on a black and white jumper, which is the national costume of the badger, and packed my tooth brush to head down to the set.  I'm greeted by the badgers who give me a friendly clawing.  I quickly see that they are very touchy-feely animals, so I joined in, you don't want to be ostracised on the first day.

One badger, the biggest one called Arthur, has become very protective of me, and wont let the other badgers get touchy-feely with me, which is nice and makes me feel loved, but he can be a bit aggressive.

I come to the realisation that they are not touchy-feely animals, but it is in fact mating season and I am Arthur's bitch.  I cannot sit down properly.

Oh God, the pain!  Arthur never stops, even when he's sleeping.

If I get out of this I will never try to drive over a badger again, oh no, not again, he's coming back!!!

Yes, I should be out by now, but Arthur won't let me out. Aaaaggghhhhhhh!!

If you can guess what Murglin has been eating for his 30+ days as Arthur's bitch,
why not email badger-burgers@randomshite.co.uk.