More Shocking Sven Revelations

Just when the soon to be former England manager thought it was all over, Random Shite can reveal some stunning new revelations from what he said to our very own investigative reporter Mavis Davis, when she dressed up as a Saudi sheikh and met him in a kebab shop.

Claims Faria Alam is going to have a sex change operation to become a hermaphrodite so she can fuck herself and sell the story to the papers.
David Beckham has a tattoo in ancient Hebrew on his left bum cheek that says, "I love Paul Scholes".
During the last World Cup he wanted to drop Emile Heskey – out his 8th floor hotel room window.
Ulrika Jonsson likes to eat fish cakes while on the toilet.
Sven thinks Tony Blair has "nice toes".
He isn’t actually balding, but shaves his head in that shape because he is a Trekkie and loves those dudes with the fucked up heads!
Sven was forced to make his team lose the World Cup qualifier against Northern Ireland after threats were made about the peace process. He was told that if England won he would be appointed as chairman of the all party talks.
Nancy Dell'Olio is actually a cyborg from the future, sent to save Phil Neville from an ugly future.

If you've ever got talking to a funny looking sheikh and
dished the dirt on your workmates, drop us a line at
i-hate-the-useless-bastards@randomshite.co.uk