Minister for Mayhem

The real victim of the recent street riots has been direct rule Minister for Condemnation, Shaun Woodward.  He was seen crying at a press conference today begging for it all to stop.

"You bloody foreigners fighting is driving me mad!" he blubbered, wiping away the tears, "I used to have a nice cosy Conservative seat, now as Security Minister I have to deal with you lot rioting, and feckin' Hugh Orde whining in my ear.  Then as Minister for Health, Social Services and Public Safety, I have to deal with the injured, make sure you all get your benefits paid (which you all spend in Lidl, not Sainsbury's) and then somehow look after public safety with you lot on the streets… blub, blub, I wanna go home... sob... get Tony on the phone..."

When we asked him about how he would handle water charges as Minister for Regional Development, he pissed his pants and had to be wheeled out by men in white coats.

Minister for Passing Things On, David Hanson, passed Mr. Woodward's details to the Minister for Distributing Things Between the Ministers, Lord Rooker, who distributed it to the Victim's Minister, Angela Smith, who handed it back to Lord Rooker, in his role as Children's Minister, after the Ministers voted at a Ministers conference that the Minister was acting like a baby.

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