Mayo
We were all really excited
with Mayo's victory at the recent Rose of Tralee contest, won by Aoibhinn O`Suillibheain - obviously a made up stage name.
Since Bob's thrush has cleared up, we thought we'd send her to lovely Mayo to see
what the craic is....
After years in the shadow of its neighbour with a funnier name, Roscommon, Mayo is finally realising its rightful place as
the 23rd best county in Ireland. When a young Simon Mayo left his first job at local radio station Mayo Todayo, for
the bright lights of Radio 1, and later obscurity, who would have thought that the proud people he left behind would achieve so much?
Its most famous son of course is John Hellman. Dissatisfied with the dry, tasteless sandwiches served at his local eateries,
young John set about inventing Mayonnaise. Naise being Irish for yummy fat, and Mayo being Irish for uh, Mayo.
I journeyed to Mayo's numerous tourist hot spots including Mavis's favourite
holy shrine at Knock. The locals, known as
Knockers, were very friendly and came in all shapes and sizes, big Knockers, small Knockers, beardy Knockers. Lovely people.
Then I ventured to everyone's favourite mountain Croagh Patrick, where St. Patrick fed the 5,000 snakes and banished shoes from Ireland
or something. And don't forget Achill Island, the biggest and most useless island Ireland has to offer.
Despite
this growing list of accomplishments and attractions, Mayo has gotten a bit bored of the scenery and its back is sore from
being in the same place for so long. A local told me, "Its just got a bit boring up here, we fancy a bit of that land down
there near Cork, sure they don't need it all. It's warmer and they've great hurlers down there. We're thinking about
taking it on timeshare for six months a year with the other six in one of the Virgin Islands. Which is funny because there are
so few virgins in Mayo, especially in Knock!! Now can you get out of me way, you tramp, I'm trying to get to my sheep."
It's not the first time such a move has taken place. During the great potato famine Donegal upped anchor and headed north
because Sligo was, "a greedy fat bastard."
If you've been to Mayo and made it out alive, why not email your experiences to
that-man-is-smiling-too-much-behind-that-sheep@randomshite.co.uk
