Losing A Woody

Usually losing a woody might be a bad thing, but not so much this time.  It is with a mix of sadness and lying about sadness that we bid farewell to our New Labour/Old Conservative friend Shaun Sainsbury’s Woodward.  So as we sit back, light up a fag and wave goodbye, we'll never forget the fun times we had together.

Along with him and following in the vein of that randy, handsome devil, John Prescott, Lord Rooker has lost his job but at the same time hasn't.  Turns out Tony thinks he's doing a piss poor job, but just not piss poor enough to get rid.  Unlike Prescott, who got rid all over the place.

In their place let us welcome with both open and decommissioned arms their replacements, a Spirograph and some bogroll.  The Spirograph has already gained much experience in local politics as it helped Jeff enormously when he was redrawing the councils.  The bogroll however has no experience since Woodward refused to work with it because it was Tesco's cheap stuff.  It will come in useful though for cleaning the fan come November 24th.

We also welcome into the fold Paul Goggins who grew up in a Post Office in the idyllic countryside constituency of Greendale.  Contrary to popular belief Angela Smith has not left the NIO, she's just cut her hair and called herself Maria Eagle who is also a sister of Eddie The Eagle Edwards, but not the one who made a cock of himself at the olympics, it's just a coincidence that he has the same name, big glasses and can't ski.  You don't believe they're related?  Look at the Dimblebys, they've never even met and everyone thinks they're brothers.

With her new name, her and her twin sister Angela Eagle intend to do a sneaky job share, where they both only do half the work each.  They based the idea on the half assed effort John Spellar made during his time here - and he has ginger pubes.  And we all know how difficult ginger pubes are to get out of you teeth.

In a strange twist Peter Pan Hain announced a late addition to the NIO team, Andy Cairns from rock group, Therapy?  He isn't an MP or even a Labour party member, but we're sure he'll do just as good a job.

If all that has left you confused, never mind, it will all change when either Gordon takes over or the assembly gets up and running.  Don't hold your breath on either though.  Unless you're David Blaine, in which case please do.
wheres-woody@randomshite.co.uk