Lisburn Is A Shitoid

A group of esteemed grey bearded scientists, some smelling slightly of pee, have convened today in a special meeting of the Northern Ireland Astronomical Union.

After much debate, negotiation and coffee drinking, they have finally voted that Lisburn City is not actually a city, but instead will now belong to a new class of urban area, called a "shitoid".

Ever since the Queen went mad in 2002 and decided Lisburn was somehow a city, many new towns have been discovered all over the place that seem to have just as much right to be called a city - Strabane, Ahoghill, Ballygobackwards.  Yes, why not Ahoghill City?

Redefining the criteria for city status, the scientists have decreed that a city:

As the meeting was winding up, a final vote confirmed that in Newry the world is still flat.

On a recent outing to Lisburn shitoid, Sadie had an extremely traumatic experience and lost control of her bowels on four separate occasions, three of them involuntarily.  She discovered some new facts about Lisburn:

• It has a large gateway requiring ID to get through.  This is in fact the gateway to hell.
• The car parks are examples of "organised chaos".
• Lisburn’s population has grown for one reason – it’s so fucking hard to get out of, people just give up and live there.
• It has not one decent shop in it.

Additionally, she discovered that Christine Bleakley is a lying fucking bitch, who took immoral amounts of money to tell the world how wonderful the Bow Street Mall is, when it is actually the single worst shopping centre ever.  In fact it may be false advertising to call it a shopping centre.  So Bleakley, if you ever see us on the street, run very, very fast in the opposite direction, BBEEEEAAATTTCCCHHHHH!!!!!!

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