John Motson's World Cup Stat Attack

Motson Did you know that during the last World Cup, John "the voice of constipation" Motson used over 40,000 statistics? Did you also know that he prefers his name to be pronounced Moootsooon? Well, no, we actually made that up, just like he pretends to know how to pronounce every name under the sun. Anyway, here are some of our top Motto stats:

David "kerbside" Pleat has propositioned Motto 12 times for sex, 4 of which were on air, 2 of which were successful and none of which involved either reaching a climax.
Heather Mills once attacked Motto for wearing a sheepskin coat, but being the quick thinker he is, he kicked her good leg and ran off bleating like a sheep.
Motto is only 12% less annoying that Garth Crooks.
Motto sat down for a meal with the England team before their pre-tournament friendlies. As he slid the salt down the table to David James, Owen Hargreaves tried to intercept it but ended up falling on the floor while James fumbled the salt and dropped it in his soup.
Motto believes the world is flat. He also believes it is 110 yards long and has four corner flags.
Motto's Motto is, "Don't stand next to Hansen at the urinal."
Motto has an extensive collection of toe-nail clippings of famous people, including Charlie Sheen and President Clinton. He has none from Julia Roberts because, "that bitch has hooves."
Ron Atkinson was in the year above Motto when they attended commentary school. One day after class Atkinson stole his lunch money and called him a "fucking lazy, thick nigger."
Motto’s marriage broke down because one night his wife caught him up late watching the 1983 FA Cup final in slow motion with his pants around his ankles.

If you have any dirt you'd like to dish on Motto, let us know at
i-know-motto-and-he-likes-to-get-blotto@randomshite.co.uk