How To Stop Climate Change

Climate Realising that our plans to reduce hot air emissions by ordering hits on Dave Cameron, John Reid and Stephen Nolan would not be enough to save the planet on their own, we’ve also set about adopting a number of environmentally friendly habits which we hope you can all learn from:

Sadie

As part of a recycling initiative, she has stopped watching the main TV channels and now only watches reruns on UK Gold.
In her garden this year, she will be planting energy saving daffodil bulbs.
To help counteract global warming Sadie is leaving her fridge door open during hot days.

Mavis

Is to cut down heating costs by participating in more orgies during the winter, thus enabling her to turn down the thermostat.
To reduce her CO2 emissions, Mavis now only breathes in.
No longer leaves her dildo on standby.
Will begin a mission to shoot down airliners to cut down their carbon footprints.

Bob

Will wear smaller shoes to cut down her carbon footprint.
To save the rainforest, Bob is no longer ordering books from the Amazon.
To save water, only flushes the toilet once a day.

Vera

To save water, now drinks her own piss.
Has stopped wearing underwear to reduce cleaning costs, although any benefits will probably be offset now that she isn’t wearing the incontinence pants.
In order to reduce her energy costs, Vera has decided not to pay this quarter’s electric bill.

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