History of Man
In the beginning there was God. God got bored. So he made light and shit, and then man. Then there was
dinosaurs or something and Neanderthals and really smart monkeys and then gypsies or... I'm not sure. There's
evolution in there too somewhere I think. See, it's very confusing. That's why we've developed this handy
guide to the history of man. Feel free to use it as a GCSE learning guide.
Stage 1: Amoeba
Single celled organism. Got very angry after being edited out of the final version of the bible and refused to evolve any further...
Stage 2: Sea Cucumber
Who'd have thought the popular sandwich filler began life under the sea.
Stage 3: Buttfish
No reason to include this other than its name. Bet he was the butt of many jokes in his school.
Stage 4: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Heroes in a half shell - turtle power!
Stage 5: The Stallones
No explanation required.
Stage 6: Chimp
Look at the cutsie lil baby chimp wif da flowers. Aaaaaaaw!
Stage 007: George Bush
Thought by many to be the missing link.
Stage 8: Neanderthal
Just an artists impression of Neanderthal man. Obviously Neanderthals wouldn't have the digital dexterity to use a camera.
Stage 9: Bill Bailey
Almost man but still bearing all the physical attributes of Neanderthals.
Stage 10: Dermot O'Leary
Big Brother. The pinnacle of human evolution - watching chimps in a house.
If you find the missing link you can email us at
