Hain Advocates The Withdrawal Method

It now appears that Peter Hain is on the run.  It seems so long ago that with Tony Blair egging them on to go the whole way, Peter snubbed the other parties and asked only Sinn Fein out on a date for a big love in at Leeds castle.  At this private rendezvous the SDLP claimed Sinn Fein had let Hain sweet talk his way to 3rd base, but Sinn Fein totally denied this saying they hadn’t consented to anything and Pete was trying to force his wicked hand upon them.

Despite this it still seemed that Peter and Sinn Fein were going to get it on with a little somethin'-somethin', until Sinn Fein got a bit scared about pregnancy and other diseases, saying they'd only support it if there was a big green condom involved.  "We don't know were the fuck that cunt has been," they stated.  So after all the excitement and games, Peter Hain was forced to perform a withdrawal and feck off back to Wales to see who he could shaft there.

The Ulster Unionist (yes it's officially the singular now) was overjoyed with the decision, while the DUP and Alliance were delighted that the relationship was off as it turned their stomachs.  They went on to congratulate each other with pats on the back and big hugs, but not in a gay way.

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