French Election Elects People To Another Election

With 12 wonderful years of Jacqass Chirac and his presidential immunity about to come to a close, the French went to the polls at the weekend to elect two people to run in a different election.  Yes, they make nice bread, but they clearly can't manage an STV count.

The frontrunner Nicolas Teacosy topped the poll.  Many people are calling him the male Thatcher, which is in fact wrong, since Maggie was the male Thatcher.  His popular jingoistic policies have included suppressing the scum and shipping foreigners back to Hungary.

In second place came the pansy-ass candidate Casino Royale, who wants to increase unemployment and hug hoodies.  She has proved popular among black voters because she is not Nicolas Teacosy.

Coming up third in the bridesmaid position was some farmer dude, whose main policy was that he wasn't one of the other candidates, followed in fourth by Hitler.

Bob "The Law" McCartney polled more poorly than (he) expected.

For the next round of the election both candidates must participate in a "live debate" which actually involves a garlic and cheese eating contest.  This is followed by a GCSE French oral exam.

On economic policy Royale favours taking your money and throwing it into the Seine, while Teacosy wants to make himself a money-swimming pool.  In terms of international policies, Casino Royale would be in favour of surrender, whilst Teacosy would be closer to the Tony Blair school of Bush fellatio.

On education Royale thinks that all children should have the opportunity to be taught, no matter how much money it is wasting on the dumb ones.  Teacosy thinks gypsies should be burned.

Well, you gotta give it to the French, no matter who they elect,
it won't be Ian Paisley or Martin McGuinness
jacqass@randomshite.co.uk