Fatties Who Like All The Beef
A
new group has been set up to stop the lifting of the export ban on beef products from
Norn Iron being sold in the non-beef eating countries of the world. A group known
as Fatties who Like All the Beef (FLAB) has vowed to stop any beef products leaving the
country by whatever means necessary.
The group is headed by a number of well know portly personalities, including Stephen
"face for the radio" Nolan, "wacky" Jackie Fullerton, Julian "nice
cup of tea and a few ginger nuts" Simmons, Hugo Dunkin-Donuts and its chief
enforcer, Alan "former rozzer" McQuillan who works for the Ass Recovery Agency.
Julian Simmons said that they would not stop in their campaign, because they just
love chewing on the beef and they "Don't want no foreign types swallowing the
prime cuts from here." He continued, "If we have to eat all the moo-moos
and all the sheep and all the goats here to stop this, we will."
Eamon Holmes pointed out that beef doesn't come from sheep or goats, but Julian started
to cry saying he saw it on Coronation Street and Jack Duckworth never lies. Alan
McQuillian took Julian outside and gun shots were heard.
Hugo Dunkin-Donuts said he will be releasing a single to raise money for the cause,
“It’ll be called Spit Roast, with the B-side Don’t hold back the gravy,
and I’d like to dedicate that to Betty up there in Strabane, hi. Tom says keep on
dancin’ girl.”
As would be expected of a twat like Nolan, he put himself in as the head of FLAB and
stated, "This is an injustice. An injustice the likes of Watchdog or Which
magazine has never encountered. Only one man can lead this crusade, but he
was busy - so I’m doing it. We will fight the butchers, we will fight them at the deli counters of Centra, we
will elbow them out of the queue in McDonald’s, we shall shove our snouts infront of
them at the BBC feeding trough, but we will not be defeated - not as long as there are
fat men like these standing, sorry I mean sitting beside me in that uncomfortable way
fat men have to sit. NOW FEED US THE BEEF."
If you like all the beef, let us know at
i-ate-all-the-pies@randomshite.co.uk
