F.A.Q.
People
frequently ask us questions and being the helpful lot that we are we always try to answer
them. However there are some questions even we don't know the answers to, so we've got in
some outside help from quiz superstar Freya McClements.
In her school days she was a master of
answering questions in the Irish News schools quiz before they were even asked. She then
moved on to bigger and better things when she single handedly won University Challenge.
And here she is now answering your questions.
Ask her anything you want to by emailing
randomshite@hotmail.co.uk.
Do you think the Flemish part of Belgium is actually derived from phlegm? Both physically
and etymologically?
Probably, it was made in Belgium after all.
The other side of the channel.
What the fuck is a "Nazi-style orgy"?
I could tell you, but I’d have to strip you naked, tie you up, and stick a bayonet up your arse.
Is Paul McKay someone we can be proud of?
No, he fucking lost, wanker.
Is Gerry Kelly the new Parkinson?
Yes - neither of them have a TV show.
I saw Junior Og coming out of the Housing Executive on Wednesday. Do you think he's
looking for a new house until the heat blows over from when he bought his house off that
man he's never met but caught lobsters with?
Yes, that’s exactly it. He'll probably be round to Katy’s for a job soon when he gets
sacked. He'll start on the floor on Tuesday night Limelight, but will soon get moved
to somewhere where he can’t touch girls’ bums.
How does Owen Hargreaves get injured when he never fucking plays football?
Uh...
How much money has been spend on psychiatric treatment over the years 1969-2005
and how many cures have there been?
$306 billion has been spent, with 0 cures.
Yes we can.
Does Ruby Wax?
Yes, but not where you'd expect.
Why do England still think that they could have won the World Cup?
I think the more important question is, how would the Derry Journal report this?
I was at Electric Picnic a few weeks ago and I saw a guy wearing a “Box It Off”
t-shirt. I was just wondering how I can get my hands on one.
That man should not be approached under any circumstances - especially by children.
What do you think of Continental Airlines?
I think I've found better food on the soles of my shoes and Larry Kellner
is a fucking ballbag.
Has anyone at the “National Accident Helpline” ever had a slip or fall at
work? Do they sue?
Yes indeed. It's the lawyer equivalent of autofellatio.
No, fuck off.
Do all of them email addresses that you have actually work?
Yes they do, and we have the spam to prove it.
Wh...
No, Yeltsin claimed that he did not have a drink, but began throwing empty vodka
bottles at the French delegates, which put his claim into doubt.
Is Descartes arrogant in his presumption of the "I" in his statement
"Cogito Ergo Sum"?
The double use of the term "I" in "I think therefore I am" leaves
a presumption to suppose the same solution. Descartes presupposes existence
in the initial "I", before determining it in the second, ergo Descartes is
arrogant to set out the statement as it is.
The Magic Numbers.
How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?
This is not an easy question to answer, for one must take into consideration a number
of factors: wood type, sawing materials, wind speed, underfoot conditions, climate change
in the previous season, rainfall for proceeding six months, clothing worn, immediate
surrounding of tree, size of Wood-Chucker, amount of sleep he/she has had, breakfast that
day. But when I put them into my giant calculator I come up with the answer,
"I don't fucking know".
Why does my Citroen (shitroen) C4 not turn into a dancing transformer?
Sorry mate, you've probably bought the LX or SX model. If you'd splashed
the cash and went for a VTS you'd be dancin' that bitch all over the road right
now. You've only got yourself to blame.
No. It isn't.
Is it actually possible or desirable to have sex in a kitchen?
Yes and no.
Do you really send people Random Shite lighters?
Well we used to, but to be honest we can't really be arsed any more.
If you have a question that you frequently ask, then let Freya have
a go by emailing it to
randomshite@hotmail.co.uk
