Eu Crazy Europeans
Every once in a while the boffins who run Europe in Strasburg or Brussels or Dar es Salaam, or wherever
the fuck they've decided to move to this week, decide that we need to update our commitment to being
Europiettes with a brand spanking new treaty. They had one a few years back that got royally
fucked by the frogs, so they whipped out a new dust cover, renamed it the Lisburn Treaty and
there you have it.
Some of us have to vote on it, others don’t because Gordon is scared shitless of any sort of election
– and any sort of erection.
But what's the Lisburn Treaty all about? Nobody really knows, or more correctly, nobody really
cares. So if you want to look like a smarty pants in the pub we've got together the main points
of the Lisburn Treaty for you. But if you think knowing this will help you pull chicks you
probably will die a virgin:
- Lisburn becomes the capital of Europe, with that lying bitch Bleakly as Queen of Europe.
- Wales will be removed from Europe until they, "sort Gavin Henson’s hair out."
- The official language of Europe will be Ulster-Scots, but anyone who actually speaks it gets to spend a week with Merkel, naked.
- Belgium and Luxembourg will be merged into a new country – Luxembelge. After the merger it will be towed out to the North Sea and scuppered.
- Sweden and Macedonia will be merged to make Swedonia, where the staple diet will be turnip ice-cream.
- Germany and Austria will be merged... no wait, that happened before and didn’t turn out well.
- Yeltsin will be brought back because all of the modern leaders are fucking pussaaaays!
- Barbados will be allowed entry to the European Union, this is a strategic political move, and has nothing to do with the various prime ministers and presidents wanting to go somewhere nice on "official business".
- Every year an old country will be relegated from the EU and a new one promoted via a system of somewhat unfair, yet highly lucrative, play-offs.
- The Common Agricultural Policy will be scrapped and the money will be better invested by throwing it down a big aul' hole.
- The European Union will be renamed the European Family and run like the Sopranos.
- Jccchhhhhose Hhhhhccchcccchhhhernandez from Polaris World will be the new EU president. Tough luck Blair.
- All those USSR countries and Israel are getting turfed out of the European football qualifiers. Fuckin’ Moldova, seriously? Although to be fair they help Norn Iron finish higher in the groups and Healy loves banging goals past them.
- They can get out of the fucking Eurovision too.
- Kerry Katona will be hog-tied and sent to Iceland to be buried in a lava flow with her fucking tits, her fucking kids and her fucking husband and we will never hear from the fucking cunts again. Unusual for a European treaty, but trust us, it’s in there.
If you would like a copy of the treaty, email
constitution@randomshite.co.uk
