End Unfair Sporting Selection In Schools Now

After many months listening to the intelligent and persuasive arguments put forth by our current Education Minister*, Caitríona Ruane, we’ve become convinced that the way forward in academia is not through academic selection.  With this in mind let us take you back many centuries, to a time when we were young....

Our faces were smiling, our bottoms were pert and unwrinkled, and our livers still functioned.  It was secondary school and we were all having fun, except, well, none of us could get into the MacRory Cup team.  Sadie was mostly hampered in her school by the fact her religion was rugby, so tough luck there, but the rest of us remained unselected.  Many nights we prayed to statues of Mary, but we never got in the team.

Which brings us back to the present day.  Having never been allowed to grace short shorts of the type that only the GAA sees fit to endorse, our non-sporting MacRory Cup lack of success has left us feeling disenfranchised, unloved by our peers and written off from a young age.  Where is the justice?

Yes we couldn’t kick straight, could barely move unaided and couldn’t catch for shite, but does that mean we shouldn’t have had a fair pop on the MacRory team with all the other girls?  Of course not.  Just like stupid kids should be treated the same as smart kids (and stupid kids with rich parents) club-footed, skill-free oafs like ourselves should be allowed to represent our schools at the highest sporting level, irrespective of sporting ability.

So listen up Ruane, this is an equality issue – sort it out now or we’re voting DUP like Sadie.

* Correct at time of going to press.

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