Drugs Cabinet

Ed Balls Ever since Home Secretary Jacqui Smith admitted she toked the weed when she was young, Cabinet ministers have been tripping over themselves to tell us how smacked up they’ve been in the past. Of course none of them enjoyed it, because drugs are bad, m’kay. However it's not just cannabis they’ve been at, we’ve unearthed some more youthful and not so youthful dalliances that they’ve been keeping secret.

Ruth Kelly - Got drunk on altar wine when she was an altar boy.
Hazel Blears - Started smoking when she was still in the womb. But maintains this did not stunt her growth.
Des Browne - Once took an E and put it at the end of his name.
Alastair Darling - Bleached his hair and has looked sexy ever since.
David Milliband - Once snorted coke but didn't like it because the bubbles made him dizzy.
Ed Milliband - Starts big school soon.
Jack Straw - Is actually the inspiration for the scarecrow character from the Wizard of Oz, although in reality he didn’t have any balls.
Shaun Woodward - Admits to once shopping at Tesco, but he has felt dirty ever since and has terrible nightmares.
James Purnell - Constantly smacked off his tits on crack. Robs small children and the elderly to funds his habit, but nobody cares because nobody knows who he is.
Ed Balls - High as a fucking kite on mushrooms. Only does what Gordon Brown says because he thinks he's a dragon.
Peter Hain - Sucked a horse’s penis.
David Blunkett - So fucking high he thinks he's still in the Cabinet, which is semi-true because he's actually locked in a cupboard to keep him out of trouble.

If you can put down that crack pipe for long enough, try focusing on one of the keyboards infront of you and tell us how many drugs you've tried that you don't like
by emailing puff-the-magic-dragon@randomshite.co.uk