Don't Diet - Save The Planet

There's loads of talk these days about global warming, CO₂ emissions and the sea rising.  While that might mean nicer summers and Larne underwater, it's generally considered to be a bad thing.  There's lots of debate about burning fossil fuels and renewable energy, Tony wants to go nuclear and Gordon just wants Tony to go.  However there is a dangerous trend that is putting the entire world in jeopardy - fatties.

The government and all kinds of fatty know it alls like Gillian "shit in this box" McKeith want us to lose weight, get on a diet and do exercise - bad idea!  Do you have any idea the amount of destruction this will cause the environment?  Of course you don't, you're too busy thinking up excuses to skive off work to see the World Cup.  Never fear, our in-house science expert Sadie has done all the sums for you...

Just imagine what releasing this amount of carbon dioxide will do to the environment.  As if that wasn't bad enough, all that water being released, where's it going to go?  You thought the polar ice caps melting was a disaster, well wait until Vanessa Feltz opens the fatty flood gates and we'll all be living under the sea.

The scientific evidence is clear people!  If all you fatties decide to get fit you will accelerate global warming and doom us all!  So please, just sit there, have another pie and do nothing.  The future of the world depends on your inaction.

If you've noticed any errors in Sadie's world saving calculations,
a) she's very old,  b) have you nothing better to do,  c) email
we-dont-give-a-rats-ass@randomshite.co.uk