Donaldson's Diary

Some of you might have noticed the DUP have shipped Jeffery Donaldson off to Colombia. This is just the first leg in a round the world mission code-named Operation Shitstir. Over the next few weeks he'll travel the globe sorting out grave injustices along his way. He's dyed his hair, grown a goatee and kissed good-bye to his mammy. Rumours he's fled the country because he was photographed touching that girl on the right's bum are all lies. And don't ask any questions, the matter is in the hands of their solicitors.

Operation Shitstir

Colombia

JD will single handedly sort out the Colombia 3 problem. Moving

country, moving party, what's the difference Jeffery? We're all guilty

of training Marxist gorillas in our own way. The blame game helps no

one. Least of all those on the run.

Burma

On his next brave mission JD will talk with authorities and make sure

that trouble making, mouthy bitch, Aung San Suu Kyi is kept under

house arrest where she belongs.

South Africa

Time to sort out another criminal who got into government. This time

Jeff will be calling for Nelson Mandela's license to be revoked and him returned to jail where he should serve the remainder of his sentence.

Chile

Before you start accusing him of running around trying to lock people

up, take note of this mercy mission to call for the release of General Pinochet. People are always picking on members of the army.

Guantanamo Bay

A final leg visit to reminisce about the good ol’ days when you could

lock up whoever you wanted, whenever you wanted, just for the craic.

He's gonna be a tired wee boy when he gets home, eh? Good luck Jeffers!! Set those bloody foreigners straight and don't forget to send us a postcard. If you spot Jeffrey on his global mission, why not email daniel-odonnell@randomshite.co.uk