Dame Kelly Says NO!
Dame Holmes of Running-fast-for-long-periods-land has
hit out
at the inclusion of former* smackhead Dwayne Chamberpot in the British running-away
team. We say who gives a fuck? They're probably all at it, a bunch of
drug addled freaks trying to do everything faster, longer, higher and throwier than
normal people.
However, the ex-army brat seems to be making a big whoop about it, and since it
was her work alone that got London the Olympics (over the fucking
Maze!?) people
will probably agree with the boring bitch. We've done some snooping in her
house, which is shaped like a running track, and found out that she's against
a lot of everyday things we all love:
- Gays in the army - lesbians are fine.
- Toad in the hole - actually, she's against anything in any hole.
- The skip part of the triple jump - she wants it replaced with bayoneting a sandbag.
- Damehoods - she wants to be known as Sir Kelly Holmes from now on.
*our lawyers made us say that
So if you think that Sir Kelly needs a slap in the Dames, email us at
runningincirclesisfortwats@randomshite.co.uk
