Commissionary Positions
There’s been a lot of news lately about those geniuses in the OFMDFM appointing four, yes
four, Victims' Commissioners. “Who’s the victim in all this?” we hear you ask – the
taxpayer, obviously. Four cushy jobs don’t come cheap you know. Well at least
we’re moving from squabbling over decommissioning to agreeing over commissioning, so you
could call it progress. Or you could call it bullshit.
To clear up some of the confusion about just what this well paid Catholic and Protestant
fudge committee will be doing, we’ve made a wee chart for you concerning the division of
labour:
Commenting on the appointments, a representative of the OFMDFM who had a crayon up his nose
at the time said, “It’s an important step backwards on the road to wherever it is we’re
going.” He also announced that the office would soon be broadcasting its own radio station,
OFMDFM FM. The station will play a range of hits from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s including an
hour of Willie McCrea’s gospel hits from 4am to 5am on a Thursday – none of that Paul Berry shite
though. The station will be broadcast on MW 1690-1916. When asked why the radio station
was called OFMDFM FM when it was broadcast on MW, the representative said he would commission a
commissioner to figure it out.
However with all these commissionary positions springing up we feel there is an important section
of our community not getting any representation, who’s looking out for the commissioners
themselves? That’s why we’re starting a campaign for a Commissioners’ Commissioner to oversee
the commissioning of commissioners.
Of course the Commissioners’ Commissioner couldn't commission themselves, so we'll need a Commissioners
Ombudsman as well.
The Commissioners Ombudsman will consequently have to be commissioned by a
Commissioners Ombudsman’s Commissioning Committee, which will be a cross-community fudge committee,
committed to commissioning the Commissioners Ombudsman.
Let’s hope the institutions don’t collapse again or the NIO will have to set up a rake of commissioners
to decommission all these commissioners – or bring back Peter Hain to sort it all out again, and
nobody wants that.
Apparently "Plan B" was to make everyone a victims commissioner
i-feel-victimised@randomshite.co.uk
