Clare Dogs

First up was four year old Rover, a spaniel who was a regular on the beach, he told me, "This is a fucking ridiculous decision, when I was growing up I spent lots of time there playing with my mates, so it's got lots of good memories for me.  And it's coming up to the summer, when me and my girlfriend would regularly go down to the beach at night to, you know, bone.  I can’t take her back to my kennel because my mum called her a slut."

A more mature beach user was Patches, who's been about the area since he was a pup, over 13 years ago.  "While I don’t agree with the new law I have seen it coming.  The young dogs today have no respect for the beach, they run about sniffing here and there, shitting over the place and not even covering it up, I'm not going to be around for too many more winters, but I’d have liked a bit more time to sit on the beach.  I enjoy nothing more that sitting in the shallow water licking my balls."

Other local dogs are saddened at the loss of tradition, one even claimed that the Littlest Hobo would occasionally spend time on the beaches before his crack addiction led to the cancellation of his hit show.

The ban on camping has hit them hard too, "We'll never got to see people like Graham Norton or Pat Kenny about here anymore if you're not allowed to be camp," said one fellow in a pink tracksuit.

As night fell I headed back to my car and wondered would this beautiful place ever be the same again?  After a hard day on the beach I was just about to drive home when a torch shone through my car window.  As I peered out I saw none other than Stan Collymore stood there with his lad in his hand.  He certainly looked pleased to see me.  I chortled to myself as I realised, those bureaucrats can ban the dogs but at least we’ve still got dogging.  So I wound down the window, gave him a hand and was on my way.