Bush Books Belfast Break

Bush With fuck all to do except limp around the White House quacking, this century’s best US President, that’s George Bush, has decided to whittle away his time with a visit to here of all places.

We’re sure that some of you muesli eating Obama supporters will want to leave your place in the dole queue to go and chant at him and wave banners to make yourselves feel important, so the secret service have kindly given us his holiday itinerary:

Visit the Giant’s Causeway. Of course it wasn’t made by mythological giants, that’s stupid, Jesus made it 4,000 years ago.
A joint visit between George Bush and Heather Mills to Bushmills whiskey distillery. With their histories, one of them is bound to get legless.
Out of respect for American soldiers, he won’t play golf at Royal Portrush.
Will attend an expensive luncheon with business types where Invest NI will put our tax money to good use.
He will give a speech about how great it is that there is peace here, then phone his generals to see how the wars he started are going.
After a short while he will ask an aide who the fuck Peter Robinson is.
Join in during an Irish dancing display.
He will give a talk about different communities fighting and reconciling which will end with, "at least you guys aren’t towel-heads".
He will order a soda in a cafe, and be confused when he gets a soda.
Attend a performance of Our American Cousin at the Grand Opera House, where he will get shot. (Too soon?)
Will visit Ahoghill, before which the townsfolk will wash their mule.

If you want Dubya to call in to your ma's house for a feed,
email your name, address and phone number to
rectal-probe@randomshite.co.uk
so we can pass them on to the secret service dudes.