Britain Kicks Out Russian Toilet Mats

Kremlin The world has gone mad. Gordie Brownie today kicked out four Russian toilet mats because of the part they played in making Shevchenko play so shit for Chelsea last season. Not many people have the same level of expertise in foreign relations as Sadie, but when you work as a hooker in more than 86 countries you make some connections. She reckons Gordie has got it all wrong, he's chucking out the wrong people, he should chuck out these tosspots:

Rusedski - We literally have no idea what this man has contributed to the human race, or to tennis.
Germaine Greer - Seriously, shut the fuck up.
The Katona Burglars – They had sledgehammers and crowbars and she left without a mark. Fucking incompetents, Ronnie Biggs fucking knew what he was doing.
Grotbags off the 'Oaks – People are getting hit by vans and pushed off balconies, yet she isn't one of them. Boooo!!
Jensen Button – Now surplus to requirements, we have a new great white hope.
Pete Fucking Doherty – Smack is only cool if you have talent.
Lily Allen’s Da – He’s spent too long making a career out of his daughter's fame.
Tesco, Sainsbury’s and M&S – Where were your fucking baps on the 11th? We had burgers to eat, you ballbags.

If you want to kick some twat out, send pigeon post to
titty's-out-for-the-rugby@randomshite.co.uk