Bin Laden Claims Fuel Depot Blast

In a tape received by Random Shite's sister website, Random Shi'ite - operating in Qatar, Johnny bin Laden, Osama bin Laden's number 7 in al Qaeda and the 6 of spades in America's terrorist playing cards set, or white bishop number two in the collectors edition terrorists chess set, has claimed he was the mastermind behind the huge explosion at the Hemel Hempstead fuel depot.

He claims that for years now countries in the Arab world have been exporting highly flammable, highly explosive fuels, which our government has been stupidly storing in huge tanks around the country.  Speaking in front of the backdrop of his underground volcano hide-away, he also claims to be the true mastermind on Islamic terrorists and hopes to feature on the next series of the famous quiz.  He has stated that he specialist subject will either be terrorist attacks from 1953 - 2003 or My Little Pony special editions.

When we contacted ITV to comment on this they told us to fuck off because Mastermind is on BBC.  We said we knew that, but it was more fun to continually phone them and annoy them.  Then we asked them why Coronation Street is so shite and suggested that they have a cross over episode with the Sopranos, where terrorists detonate a dirty bomb in Emily Bishop's pantry.

Back in Hemel Hamster, an eye witness said, "I didn't actually see anything, but when I heard the explosion, I immediately knew it was a terrorist attack.  Now excuse me I have panic buying to get on with." A neighbour said, "I thought I heard the sound of a cat pissing, then I woke up and discovered that a cat was pissing in my ear."

If you're from the area and heard something funny that woke you up, email
i-thought-it-was-the-milkman-but-it-was-actually-a-giant-explosion@randomshite.co.uk