Big Summer Flicks At The Pictures
Remember back in the days when they used to release film in the cinema? That was really
popular, everyone loved going to the pictures. Well guess what! Apparently more
films are being released this summer! So grab your bucket of popcorn and huge bag of Revels,
sit back and relax, we’ve got the low-down on what’s on offer...
Mancock
Will Smith discovers he is a brilliant prostitute, gifted in many prozzie
arts. Hand-jobs like silk, blow-jobs like angels' hair and he can tickle your balls with
only the power of his mind. Unfortunately he doesn’t give a crap – until one day....
Sex and Man. City
Four old birds with a record of human rights abuses move to Manchester to try to have sex with Richard Dunne and Stephen Ireland. Things begin to go wrong when Ireland claims he can’t have sex with them because his granny just died, and Dunne embarrasses everyone in a shoe-shopping incident, which also involves botox.
*WARNING* May contain graphic scenes of Sarah Jessica Parker’s face
Mission Impossible 4
Tom Cruise tries to claw back some credibility, and fails.
Forgetting Sarah Travers
Noel Thompson finally gives up the chase when he realises Sarah
Travers isn’t going to shag him, no matter how many photos of his cock he sends to her phone.
Disappointed, he leaves for a holiday in Bangor where he meets Pamela Ballentine. He doesn’t
bang her though because he’s got standards.
In Diana Jones
There’s this bird, Diana Jones, and these guys just keep getting into
her. For about 2 hours. Quality. One for the family.
The Incredible Sulk
When the budget of a superhero movie is slashed because everyone
realises it is crap, its prima donna star gets into a huff... in lycra.
The Chronicles of Narnia 3: Inside the Wardrobe
Don’t see it, it’s about paedos.
Die Hard 5
Bruce Willis is old. Really fucking old. Some terrorists are up to something, something bad,
and somebody should really do something about it, but Bruce can't do jack shit because he's so damn
old. He takes some Viagra but his old man's heart can't handle it and he die's hard.
Die Hard 6th Sense
Bruce Willis's ghost hangs around a kid who doesn’t give a fuck.
There top that Jonafon Wofss, you nonce
the-pictures@randomshite.co.uk
