Avram Grant At Chelsea Town - The Story So Far

Avram With the end of the season nigh, we’ve decided to take a look back over Average Grant’s time at Chelsea Town FC. Many people thought when Avram took over that things would go tits up, many others thought Frank Lampard’s tits would go up. Basically there was a lot of talk of tits.

Anyway, here’s the lowdown on the events that have shaped Avram’s time at Stamford Bridge (which ironically isn’t even a bridge at all).

Once before a match John Terry bundled Avram into a laundry basket and had him removed from the dressing room.
Avram’s dog once had the police take him into custody because he looked a bit sick.
Despite trawling many gay webcam sites, Avram has yet to find proof that Arsène Wenger is a “voyeur”. His search continues.
The News of the World has pictures of Avram tapping up Cheryl Tweedy, who he wants to play at left-back.
When Avram came to Portsmouth, ‘Arry filled a jiffy bag with notes, but he still wouldn’t leave. Sam Allardyce’s son was not involved.
Avram has yet to visit Northern Ireland because he hasn’t yet decided if he’s a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew.
Romeo Abramovich has told Avram he has to sign Ronaldinho, but to give it a few years just to make sure he’s well past his best.
Avram has never met Steve Sidwell.
Avram's lack of footballing knowledge saw him send spies to Fulham’s training sessions for the first month.
Avram’s car parking space is at White Hart Lane.
Dirk Kuyt is probably the worst footballer ever to grace the earth, the only player who comes close to him is Clinton Morrison. This has nothing to do with Avram, but we needed to share it with the world.
On the team bus Avram is made to sit on the toilet, even when Lampard uses it, and we all know how full of shit he is.
After seeing footage of the 1966 World Cup final he tried to sign Bobby Moore, but Roman said no because he was English.

If you're Frank Lampard, email pictures of your tits to
LLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMPSS@randomshite.co.uk