A Day With Angie Phillips
We caught up
with yer woman Angie Phillips off the TV and spent a day with her to see what she gets up to
when she's not on the TV. You'd be surprised what we made up found out....
10.30
10.31
11.00
12.30
13.15
13.45
14.30
16.30
16.50
17.00
18.00
18.25
18.55
19.00
19.10
20.30
22.00
22.01
22.20
23.00
23.20
23.25
23.50
02.30
Wake up with a bangin' headache from the night before.
Take a slash and brush my teeth. Look out the window to see what the weather is. Wrong again.
Have a big fry.
Put on a thick layer of slap. Takes a lot of slap to look this good.
Still putting on slap.
Hugo fucking Duncan pulls out of another tree planting at a children's ward, leaving me in the shit again.
That's 3 tree plantings and an appearance at Castlecourt he owes me.
Have to listen to moaning children talking about their broken arms and diarrhoea. I forecast intense boredom.
Finally out of that place. I need a drink. Head to the pub for lunch and pint or two.
Shit, late for work.
Check the weather on Sky News and try to remember what it's going to be like. Bit tipsy, not so sure what the
weather was at all, I'll make up something.
Get into make-up.
Finish putting on slap.
Watch Frank Mitchell on UTV. What a fucking cock. Never puts my photo on Weather Watchers even though I send
one every day.
I'm on!! Forgot to change the weather slides form yesterday. Hope nobody noticed.
Send my photo to Weather Watchers.
Finished. Me, Sarah Travers and Noel Thompson head down the pub. Last time Thompson came with us he got
in a fist fight with Mike Nesbitt. He fights like a girl but still beat him 'cos the Beeb beats UTV at
everything! Except this one time when Julian Simmons gave Stephen Watson a good pounding, but that's a different
story.
Noel Thompson heads home after three shandies pissed as a fart.
Travers starts dancing on the tables and shouting about how much better she is than Karen Patterson, yelling,
"I'll have that bitch, lunch time news will be mine, all mine!!"
Bouncers chuck us out.
Desperados! Kebabs all round!
After our fill of tasty meat we decide to hit the streets again and head for Thompsons.
After a bit of a misunderstanding between me and Travers we actually end up at Noel Thompsons and not Thompsons the club.
Not willing to miss a chance for fun we shit on Noel's doorstep, set his rose bush on fire and head for the real Thompsons.
Tequila!!!
Wake up on bench in front of City Hall slumped over Sarah Travers. A good night all round.
If you've ever shit on Noel Thompson's doorstep, email
my-names-mike-nesbitt@randomshite.co.uk
