An Open Letter To Ms. Eleanor Bull

Re: This, about this.

Dear Ms. Bull,

It has been brought to our attention that you have been making complaints throughout the Internet regarding a lack of recognition for an item featured on our website, www.randomshite.co.uk (as seen on the Internet).  You seem to allege that the page entitled "The Orangetan Order" was in fact your work.  The piece in question depicts three monkeys with the head of Dawson Baillie and orange sashes around their wee furry necks, each holding their hands/paws in different positions with the line, "Hear no evil - See no evil - Speak no sense".

We consider ourselves thuroughly professional and so we immediately began an investigation into the allegation.  We asked Lord Hutton to look into the matter, but he didn't know who we are, so Mavis did it herself.  Having found the piece you created Mavis found it near impossible to laugh at it.  It was what experts call a "piss-poor effort".

To complete our investigation and report, we would like some information from you.  We would be grateful if you could answer the following questions:

1. Did you take the photo in question and do you own, solely, the rights to it?
2. Did you own the monkeys featured in the photo?
3. Did you invent satire?
4. Are you the only person ever to poke fun at the Orange Order?
5. Do you actually have any friends?
6. What colour underwear have you on right now?

We believe the answers to these questions will prove, beyond doubt, that your allegation is both spurious and unfounded.

For the record, Random Shite would like to state that we would never steal something so dire and void of humour as the piece you made.

Thank you for your time, we're sure you have lots of it.

Yours regrettably,