A Day With George W. Bush

God came to me in a dream and told me to get up.

God told me to have Bran Flakes for breakfast, he says they are good for the digestive system.

Give God a call through the medium of prayer, he's doing good today and says he slept well.

Finally make it to the office, traffic was terrible along the corridor, but God spoke to me and showed me the way to go.

Various people leave me lots of lengthy reports on many, many issues and ask me to read them and make decisions.  I threw them in the bin and asked God to tell me what to do.

God tells me to take a shit.

God says I can take a nap.

Wake up in time for lunch.

God says high taxes make the baby Jesus cry.

God says award some more rebuilding work to Halliburton without a due bidding process.

Find Dick Cheney hiding in an air conditioning vent pretending to be the voice of God.

God tells me to forgive Dick, it's not like he was out looting or shit.

God tells me Care Bears is starting on Cartoon Network.

Jesus tells me to put him between two bits of bread and eat him.  Confused, so decide best course of action is to bomb Tajikistan.

I'm a bti dyslexic, so later realise that it wasn't "Jesus" talking to me earlier, but in fact "cheeses".

Still don't regret bombing Tajikistan though.

God tells me Halliburton should help the people of Tajikistan begin their long road to democracy.

God lets me have a pretzel.

Wake up on floor of oval office.  God forgot to tell me to take the pretzel out of the bag.

Have "relations" with the first lady before bed, then she sends me back to my own room.

Put on my "Noah" PJ's and jump into bed with a good book, "The children's bible."

Wake up with Noah PJ's bottoms all wet with presidential pee-pee.  Forgot God told Noah there'd be a flood.

Head down to Situation Room to send troops somewhere to avenge the pee-pee terror attack, God told me to.  Then back to bed, golf with daddy and some Saudis tomorrow.